Less than Fantastic Four

Not to be outdone by my colleague in chimpness there is another superhero z movie we had the misfortune to see, sorry I meant pleasure to see.  This one was just as cra… great as that Turkish supermen returns film and was based on Marvels Fantastic Four comic.

Now I must divulge some important info at this point of proceedings, I loathe Fantastic Four. My least favourite comic ever, just shockingly bad drivel. Awful.

Anyway, quite a few years ago I caught wind of an unleashed FF film made around 1994 that was so bad it was worth witnessing just to experience how bad. I got lucky and managed to download it, keep in mind these were the days before you could find anything you wanted on YouTube, and subjected my chimp buddies to a night’s entertainment they would not forget in a long time. I’d like to start proceedings with this picture hosted on Wikipedia.


As you can see, it looks rubbish.  The Thing’s outfit is hilarious. The team’s outfits are awful (although credit due for Dr Doom’s outfit, it wasn’t that bad) and their cheesy grins still give me nightmares to this day.


The plot of this monstrosity must have been written on the back of a cigarette packet; scientists try to harness comet’s powers, fail & Dr Doom is created, more scientists go into space and get hit by cosmic rays, FF are created. Dr Doom wants a diamond to power his death laser, hires thief, lots of people get kidnapped, stuff happens, bad acting… its all rather confused and messy, Dr Doom eventually gets diamond for laser, FF fight Dr Doom. FF win. Wedding. End.

The “special effects” used in this film are special, Reed’s extended limbs are shot with him off camera or in very specific positions and obviously suspended by wires as they wave about like it’s a windy day. Sue’s invisiblilty is a rather crude wipe effect. I can’t even remember what the Human Torch looked like, probably for the best. The Thing, well he looks like a walking turd.

The only redeeming bit (due to it being so laughable bad) of the film is the end after Reed and Sue are married, as they are driving off Reed extends one of his arms and waves goodbye. Awesome.


It is available on YouTube to watch, you owe it to yourself. No, seriously.

Posted by Dillon

Crimes against Cheese

I’ve noticed a serious lack of cheese related content on this blog and I am going to remedy that right now. Now I’m not your every day type of cheese connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination, but I know what I like and I like cheese.

For example I am not responsible for this blog found here http://cheeseconnoisseur.blogspot.co.uk/ but whoever was knows his cheese, so much so that I want to be him. But I digress, we’re here to talk cheese.

What is cheese to me?

An excellent topping on pizzas, a good filler for a sandwich, a superb food to eaten alongside olives and other such like nibbles. All of these and more, all of these and more. But cheese means more to other people, other people like Troy Landwehr. For some people cheese isn’t just for eating, it is a way of life.

Man carves cheese and looks like he enjoys it

That is awesome you may think, this man has carved Mount Rushmore out of a gigantic block of cheddar cheese. But you’d be wrong, it isn’t awesome. Something worries me, what kind of cheddar is that exactly? That glowing neon yellow cheese of plasticness? Can you imagine the guy doing this with mature English cheddar? That champion of cheeses would crumble all over the place and it would be less Mount Rushmore and more Mount pile of crap.

That looks suspiciously like processed American cheese, a blasphemy against Cheeses if ever there was one. He didn’t carve that, he poured that plastic gloup into a pre-fabricated mould.

Cheese carver my arse.

Posted by Dillon